STUPID PEOPLE

Actual call center conversations!











Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through;


can you help?'


Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'










Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'


Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'










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Samsung Electronics


Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'


Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'










Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that


I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and


telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the


number for Jack?'










Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'










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RAC Motoring Services










Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am










traveling in Australia ?'


Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?'


















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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )










'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England ,










do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'


















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Directory Enquiries


Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'


Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the


spelling is correct?'










Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'










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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.


Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'


Caller: 'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ...'


















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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone


box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up


the window to write the number on.'


















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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'


Customer: 'OK.'


Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'










Customer: 'No.'


Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'


Customer: 'No.'


Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'










Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'










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Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can


you see the 'OK' button displayed?'


















Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'


















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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized


that I need it.


So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'


















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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this


guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from


the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording


monitoring the customer care department..............










Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is


currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without


Cause.'






Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.










(Now I know why they record these conversations!):






Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'


Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'


Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'










Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words


went away.'


Operator: 'Went away?'


Caller: 'They disappeared'


Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'










Caller: 'Nothing.'


Operator: 'Nothing??'


Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'


Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'


Caller: 'How do I tell?'










Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'


Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'


Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'


Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'










Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'


Caller: 'What's a monitor?'


Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.


Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'










Caller: 'I don't know.'


Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where


the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'


Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'


Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's










plugged into the wall..


Caller: 'Yes, it is.'


Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that


there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '


Caller: 'No.'










Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and


find the other cable.'


Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'


Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into










the back of your computer..'


Caller: 'I can't reach.'


Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'


Caller: 'No..'


Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'










Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's


because it's dark.'


Operator: 'Dark?'


Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is










coming in from the window.'


Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'


Caller: 'I can't.'


Operator: 'No? Why not?'


Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'










Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it


licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and


packing stuff that your computer came in?'


Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'










Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it


up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to


the store you bought it from.'


Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'


Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'










Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'


Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'