Sunday, 25 September 2011

Let's laugh

In-Law Shorties
  • The wife phoned her husband in the office and said, "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner."
    "Good." replied the husband, "Make sure she's well done."
  • My mother-in-law's other car is a Broom!
  • My mother-in-law said to me, "I'll dance on your grave."  I said, "I hope you do.  I'm being buried at sea."
  • I have never made a fool of my mother-in-law,
    I just leave her to display her natural talents herself.
  • My mother-in-law and I were happy for 20 years,
    Then we met each other.
  • Last night the local peeping-tom knocked on my mother-in-laws' door, and asked her to shut her blinds.
  • Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
  • Does it really surprise anyone that mother-in-law's Day occurs less than one week before Halloween?
  • My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.
    How is she now?
    She's fine, but the dog died.
  • My mother-in-law asked me, "If you hate me so much, why is my photo on the mantle piece (shelf above the open fireplace)?" I told her, "So as to keep the kids away from the fire."
  • I don't say my mother-in-law is ugly ... but round our way, the peeping toms are giving themselves up to the police.
  • How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?
    One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.
  • One cannibal says to the other: "I can't stand my mother-in-law."
    The other says: "Why don't you just eat the vegetables?"
  • I always know when it's the mother-in-law knocking at the door – the mice throw themselves in the traps.
  • The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door, there was my mother-in-law on the front step.
    She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?"
    I said, "Sure you can."  And shut the door .
  • What's the difference between a mother-in-law and a vulture?
    The vulture waits 'til you are dead before it eats your heart out.
  • Last week my wife and I went car shopping, and the salesman asked if I wanted a car with an Airbag.  I said, "No thanks.  I already have a mother-in-law."
  • How are shotguns and mother-in-laws alike?
    If there is one around, you just want to shoot it!
  • A pharmacist tell a customer.
    In order to buy arsenic you should need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.
  • Mother to daughter.
    Your boyfriend such a jerk that I would be delighted to be his mother-in-law.
  • Adam and Eve were the happiest and the luckiest couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.
  • The lawyer cabled his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?"
    Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order all three."

Horoscopes : Is it true?

VIRGO - The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships.. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Ha rsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic. 

SCORPIO - The Intense One 
Very energetic. 
 Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking.. Great kisser.  Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional. 

LIBRA - The Harmonizer
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. 
 Very gullible. 

ARIES - The Daredevil
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge... EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored.
 Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic. 

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent.
 Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique Attractive on the inside and out.  Eccentric personality. . 

GEMINI - The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. 
 Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, but is only changeable. Beautiful physically and  mentally. 

LEO - The Boss
Very organized. Need order in 
 their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over  everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted.  Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves.  Loving. D oing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.  

CANCER - The Protector
Moody, emotional. May be 
 shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life.  Protective. Inventive and imaginative.. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic. 

PISCES - The Dreamer
Generous, kind, and 
 thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague.  Sensitive. Don't like details Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.  

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter
Patient and wise. 
 Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and  funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to  act before they think and can be unfriendly  at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.  

TAURUS - The Enduring One
Charming but 
 aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and  secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their  beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice.  Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally.  Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often.  Very generous. 
12 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky 
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan 
 Syndrome). Indulges self. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social  and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient.  Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even  tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out. 
 years of bad luck if you do not forward. 

Is it love or ........????

A poem I will always remember

The owl and the pussy-cat by: Edward Lear
The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
    In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
    Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
    And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
      What a beautiful Pussy you are,
          You are,
          You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
    How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
    But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
    To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
    With a ring at the end of his nose,
          His nose,
          His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

'Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
    Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
So they took it away, and were married next day
    By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
    Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
    They danced by the light of the moon,
          The moon,
          The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

HOW TO STAY YOUNG by George Carlin

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them' 

Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 

Enjoy the simple things. 

 Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 

Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 

Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

 Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. 

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.. 
And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!


A few funny photos about strange ways to sleep

Strange transportation

One spelling mistake can destroy your life!

A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her."
The trial begins on Monday.

A few jokes

>A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands upand down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....'

Saturday, 17 September 2011

Let's laugh


A man goes into a bar and drinks beer. 

* An English , a French and a Saeedy were condemned to death. They were allowed to choose between the guillotine , electric chair and hanging. The English chose the guillotine. But it was rust and did not work. So he was set free. Accordingly the French chose the guillotine. But the Saeedychose hanging. The other two were shouting,' Guillotine, guillotine.'
He shouted back,' Are you stupid it's not working.

* An English, a French and a Saeedy were lost in a desert. They found Aladdin's lamp. When the genie came out, he allowed each a wish. The English said,'   I miss home. Take me to London.' Away he went. 
The French asked to be taken to Paris. He was taken there.
The Saeedy was left alone in the desert. He said,' They have gone and left me alone. Get them back!'

 After every glass of beer he pulls a picture out of his pocket and looks at it.  After the 4th  beer the waiter asks him why after every glass of  beer he pulls the picture out and looks at it. 

Then the man says: 
 It's a picture of my wife. 
When she looks good to me I'm going home.  That is an example of the "The Power of Beer"  Be sure to click where it says "click here" (That's the cute part)
Click Here 
Then push the beer glass to the right.

Friday, 16 September 2011

Ahsan nas



I still believe that we are ' Ahsan nas' best people. The Egyptians are basicly kind, patient, generous and productive with the right leadership. What kind of leadership have we had fpr the last 60 years???
King Farouk ???
Nasser ???
Sadat ???
Bubarak ???

God help us with one man out of 85 million. God bless Egypt and the Egyptians.

What do you know about Erdogan ?( horoscope )


He was born on the 26th of  February, 1954. That means he's a Pisces. Pisces are imaginative, sensetive, compassionate and kind. They are also intuitive, idealistic and selfless. On the bad side, they can be secretive, vague and an escapist.

According to the Chinese horoscope , he's a wood horse. They are known for their grace, strength and obility. They are very intelligent and can limb to high places by the force of personal magnetism and good natured daring. They have many followers and admires. They are extremly generous . They are faithful to their partners.Well that sums him up. But what are his intentions?


Tuesday, 13 September 2011