1. Where there's a will , I want to be in it .
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you . But it's still on my list .
3. Since light travels faster than sound , some people appear bright until you hear them speak .
4. If I agreed with you , we'd both be wrong .
5. We never really grow up , we only learn how to act in public .
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left .
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit . Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad .
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening ,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't .
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism . To steal from many is research .
10. Buses stop in bus stations . Trains stop in train stations . On my desk is a work station .
11. I thought I wanted a career . Turns out I just wanted paychecks .
12. In filling out an application , where it says , 'In case of emergency , notify :' I put 'DOCTOR .'
13. I didn't say it was your fault , I said I was blaming you .
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut , and still think they are sexy .
15. Behind every successful man is his woman . Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman .
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory .
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive . You only need a parachute to skydive twice .
18. Money can't buy happiness , but it sure makes misery easier to live with .
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away .
20. I used to be indecisive . Now I'm not so sure .
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid .
22. To be sure of hitting the target , shoot first and call whatever you hit the target .
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be .
24. Change is inevitable , except from a vending machine .
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car .
26. Where there's a will , there are relatives .
And mine is ......... I'm supposed to respect my elders , but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now .
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